In Spain, one often observes Storks nesting in the upper reaches of cathederals and bell towers. Spaniards help them, placing iron nests in these places to encourage mating. Pretty much the same is done with cranes. No, not the bird--I'm talking about the big, blue or yellow monstrosities that tower over inspiring buildings and ruin your attempts to photograph them in their natural element.
About has learned that those cranes and the scaffolding that comes with them are not there by accident. Each placement is carefully controlled and monitored by the Secret Office of Tourist Distraction in Barcelona, headed by a Señor Rodriguez. I recently talked to him.
Señor Rodriguez: You see, we have tourists coming to Barcelona and other European places who take excellent photographs of the monuments, better, even, than our own tourism pictures. This can not be tolerated. So each year we spend millions of Euros to cloud the skyline with cranes. This year we have a record six at each Gaudi monument in Barcelona. You see, the visitor must come back year after year to see if the cranes are gone.
About: Why so many?
S. Rodriguez: PhotoShop. People can easily take one or two cranes out of the picture. More is better, plus the scaffolding of course.
About: And is your department responsible for the electronic amplification of the church bells so they can be louder throughout the night?
S. Rodriguez: Si, it is us. You summer tourists should be out in the bars spending money like everyone else. We don't waste time sleeping on the cool nights--why should you! That is--how do you say--nuts?
About: And those loud motos that run up and down the streets, are those your doing as well?
S. Rodriguez: Si, you are very perceptive. When we run out of cranes we must do something to distract the tourists from getting around so easily and taking only one day to see our fabulous city. Take three days minimum! So we give our teenagers the WMD kit, that's the Weapon of Mobility Distraction kit. It is a dirt bike, a certificate for unlimited gas, a hammer, and some big nails. We learned this from Rome.
About: So what are the hammer and nails for?
S. Rodriguez: Ah, you are not so perceptive as I thought. You must poke many holes in what passes for a "muffler" in these motos to make them truly distractive.
So, I have a question for you, Mr. About. Why don't you tell your tourist friends to stop buying stupid tee shirts and ash trays so we can put in a hardware store or something that is truly useful to our city dwellers?
About: I'll pass the word. Thank you Señor Rodriguez for your candor.
